12 April 2006

Lying Game

Hard to spot your girls fibs long distance? Not anymore.

You saw your gal in a lip lock with a guy at the party and walked home alone. She calls to explain, he was simply saving her from choking by loosening her clothing and trying to dislodge the gumball stuck in her throat with his tongue. Sounds plausible enough, but… Now you can finally take the guesswork out of trust with the You Lying Slut Agency (1-976-You-Lying-Slut). The service silently connects to any phone conversation and, for $5.99 a minute, puts the call through a lie detector. Afterward it gives you the lowdown. I decided to have PV2 Wilson to test it with a real call to his ex-wife.

PV2 Wilson: So how are you doing?
Anna: Why are you calling me?
PV2 Wilson: I was just curious to know if you were thinking about me. LIE
Anna: Well, no, I’m not. I haven’t once thought about what a complete asshole you were. TRUTH
PV2 Wilson: Ouch. Why would you say that? My memories of you are all fond. LIE
Anna: Mmm-hmm. [Sarcastic tone enters conversation, possibly throwing off results] Did you know I invented the Internet? LIE
PV2 Wilson: Well, I’m really just calling to say hi. LIE What are you up to?
Anna: I’m dating someone now. A male model, if you must know. LIE
[Yes!] He’s great, very attentive to my needs. LIE
PV2 Wilson: What’s that supposed to mean?
Anna: Oh, Jesus. I’m not going to have this conversation with you. TRUTH So are you still in the fucking Army?
PV2 Wilson: I am. They pay me too much to walk away. LIE,OFF THE CHARTS
Anna: You must be very proud. LIE
PV2 Wilson: Right. I’ve really enjoyed talking to you. LIE We should have dinner sometime.
Anna: I don’t think so. TRUTH See ya. LIE

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