05 April 2006

Cheat At Poker

You gotta know when to hold ’em, when to fold ’em, and when to slip an ace.

There is one surefire way to cheat at poker, win, and still keep your balls. Play with a blind threesome. Short of that, here are some tips that may help you the next time you’re dealt a rotten hand.

The Top Hand
“The easiest way to cheat is to cheat with somebody,” says Sgt. Townsand, the 5-14 Cav pro player and the highest money winner this weekend at my house. The “top hand” method of fleecing the unsuspecting is to play in cahoots with someone at the table. You signal your partner to figure out which one of you has the better hand. The one with the weaker hand folds, and the other stays in the game. Basically you’re sharing the same pot of cash and screwing the rest of the table.

Holding Cards Out
Do this right and you’re worthy of the title cardsharp. If the ace of spades shows up in a hand that otherwise sucks, slip the ace up your sleeve before throwing down your hand. “I’ve seen people hold out like you’d never know,” Sgt. Townsandsays. But do this in a casino and expect to have your head squeezed in a vise till your eyeballs pop. Casinos change colored decks every half hour, and the dealer counts the cards often.

Short the Pot
Those of you who steal tips off bars and shortchange Girl Scouts will do well on this one. When you ante up, hold back a chip. Remember to throw the chips into the pile in the center, preventing anyone from counting them. Throwing chips onto the table is called splashing the pot and, of course, is illegal in casinos.

The Cold Deck
This one requires steady hands. Have a stacked deck on your lap, with the cards arranged to give everyone a decent hand and you the best. After shuffling the deck in your hand, switch it with the “cold deck” on your lap. This works only if the decks match or if the rest of the table is so blitzed, they wouldn’t catch on if you’d dealt them stale potato chips.

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