01 February 2006

The Ring Ding Diet

Junk food can be nutritious…If you eat a lot of it

Believe it or not, you can get all the vitamins and minerals you need by eating “junk” food. Here’s how much snacking you’d have to do to get your RDA, along with my completely spurious, unscientific warnings of what may happen to you.

Nutrient: Vitamin A
Found in: Froot Loops
Just eat: 10 mini-boxes
Side effects: Multicolored tongue, deadly Froot Rash

Nutrient: Riboflavin
Found in: Snickers
Just eat: 25 bars
Side effect: Teeth chock-full of peanuts and nougat

Nutrient: Thiamine
Found in: M&M’s
Just eat: 50 packs
Side effects: Nympho-mania, bad luck

Nutrient: Iron
Found in: Oreos
Just eat: 38 cookies
Side effect: Spit that could tar a roof

Nutrient: Niacin
Found in: Ring Dings
Just eat: 55 cakes
Side effect: A tasty, cream-filled pancreas

Nutrient: Protein
Found in: Pork rinds
Just eat: 211 rinds
Side effect: Arteries clogged like an Oahu freeway

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