26 December 2005

Woo Women in Foreign Lands

You’re Don Juan in the U.S., but step over the border and your perfect pickup line earns you a kick in the kishke. You need a crash course in the cultural nuances of courting.

Your chances 6/10
You thought you spoke the same language, but London girls aren’t easy—and an Austin Powers imitation won’t help you score.
How to say “You are beautiful”
You’re fit, luv.
Pickup line:
Fancy a coffee? Which, in England, is equivalent to “Wanna see my etchings?”
Never say Fancy a shag?
Over there, it’s about the same as slapping her ass and asking, “Wanna screw?”

Your chances 5/10
Parisians may detest Americans, but stick with it. Within 168 hours after you’ve met, 47 percent of jeune filles will do the deed (the global average is a paltry 23 percent).
“You are beautiful”
Tu est très belle [Too ay tray bell].
Pickup line:
Bonjour, mon petit chou [Bon zhure mon peteet shoe], which literally means “Hello, my little cabbage.”
Never say: Un croissant avec préservatif, s’il vous plaît [Oon qua-sahnt ah-veck pray-cer-vah-teef see voo play].
It sounds like a pastry and jam breakfast but means “I would like a croissant with condoms.”

Your chances 3/10
Spanish señoritas may dance hip-to-hip with you all night, but when it comes to follow-through, they give it up late (the average age is 18) and have the lowest infidelity rate (22 percent) in the world.
“You are beautiful” Tú eres muy bonita [Too airez mwee boneeta].
Pickup line: Vamos al huerto [Bahmos ahl wear-toe], which means “Let’s go to the fields.”
Never say Estoy embarazado [Es-toy embahr-asado].
You might think you just apologized for your bad Spanish, but you just told her that you’re pregnant.

Your chances 9/10
You have two advantages: Swedish girls hate Swedish guys (“They are so unromantic and boring,” a 19-year-old Swede tells me), and they live in the most sexually liberated country in Europe.
“You are beautiful”
Du ar vacker [Doo ahr vack-air].
Pickup line: Vil du se mina etsningar? [Vill doo se-uh meena et-singer?], aka “Do you want to see my carvings?”
Never say
Får jag köpa dig en drink? [For yag choppa deeg un drink?], which means “Can I buy you a drink?” It’s customary for women to buy their own and to see offers as improper come-ons.

Your chances 8/10
Few of them speak English as well as their Western European cousins, so they’re not above using you for a free English lesson.
“You are beautiful”
Jsi fakt krasna [Eesay fahkt krah-snah].
Pickup line: Mas telefon?
[Mosh telephone?] In most countries you’d ask for a girl’s number, but here first ask, “Do you have a telephone?” Fifty percent of Czechs don’t own one.
Never say Babuska [Baa-boo-shka].
It sounds sexy in Russia, but in Prague they’ll think you said babicka [baa-beach-ka], which means “grandmother.”

Your chances 8/10
After years of waiting, Japanese girls finally got the Pill in 1999 and are ready for love. They have also heard rumors about the home team versus the visitors, and they’re often willing to put the “size matters” theory to the test.
“You are beautiful”
Kimi wa kirei da [Kimmy wah keeree dah].
Pickup line:
Choto yasunde iku [Chohto yeah-soonday eekoo], which means “Let’s take a little break at the sex hotel.”
Never say: Kuchi kusai [Coo-chee coo-say] It unfortunately means “stinky mouth.”

Mexico City
Your chances 7/10
Accompany a señorita home in a cab. They’re notoriously unsafe there, so a ride will give you the perfect opportunity to show off your chivalrous side.
“You are beautiful”
Eres bella [Airez bay-ya].
Pickup line:
Qué tal, guapa?
[K tahl, gwhoppa?], which means “What’s up, pretty girl?”
Never say Quieres probar mi chili? [Key-eres pro-bar me chil-ay?]
An innocent enough dinner request (“Would you like to taste my chili pepper?”), but in slang it means “Do you wanna choke my chicken?”


Blogger JACK ARMY said...

this is great advice! All young Soldiers should read and heed.

Blogger David M said...

Came here from a link on Jack Army's site.

Great advice, unfortunately 11 years too late for me. A must read for all young men out and about.

Blogger RobC said...

Ummm remember the Condom... My Staff sargeant was rather more descriptive and conservative in the early '70's... something about not putting one's personal weapon in strange places... could pick up rust and the like... If you catch my drift...


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