04 November 2005

Sicktionary


Just like rotten bacon or fresh vegetables, these words make me ill.

When dad wasn't kicking the dog or passing out in the bushes, he used to tell me “sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you.” Apparently that was as much a lie as “I’m just going out for cigarettes—be right back.” According to a study at the University of Missouri, hearing certain words can make you more likely to get sick in the next week.

Following are some of the words that make me and my buddies sick when we hear them. Should you be exposed to any, check your testicles for signs of retraction and call in sick—the incubation period can last as long as six days. (Ten-day weekend!)

You need Penicillin
Marriage(I love you Tori)
Colonoscopy
Turn your head and cough
Jimmy Fallon
“There’s a flag on the play”
Madonna
New England Patriots
"Not tonight, I have a headache"
Fat free
PT
Will and Grace
Nude pics! (Of Hilary)
Men's hand cream
WNBA doubleheader
“It’s a girl”
Light beer
Recall formation

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