SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!
Deliverance (1972) No American male went camping for five years after the plowing of poor camper Ned Beatty at gunpoint by a hillbilly. It doesn’t matter that the bastard gets speared with a crossbow; Beatty’s jiggling stomach and the cracker’s vicious taunts make this the doggy style scene of your recurring nightmares. Limp line: “I bet you can squeal like a pig! So-o-o-we-e-e!”
The Crying Game (1992) IRA commando Stephen Rea fails Spotting She-Males 101 when he falls for hairstylist Jaye Davidson. Things look good until Rea takes “her” home for some oral only to receive the surprise of his life when Mr. Love Truncheon makes a guest appearance. And we thought St. Patrick drove all the snakes out of Ireland! Limp line: “You did know, didn’t you?”
Crash (1996) Braces on a gal can be sexy, but not on her freakin’ legs! James Spader struggles with Rosanna Arquette’s twisted limbs, which are encased in leather and metal contraptions, as she moans with pain and pleasure. It’s like sneaking a peak at an orgy on the handicapped bus. Limp line: Squeak. Squeak.
Bad Lieutenant (1992) When corrupt cop Harvey Keitel catches two gals driving without a license, he demands they get lewd “Show me your ass!” while he jacks off. Flat out disturbing, and about as sexy as a ménage à trois with Cagney and Lacey. Limp line: “Show me how you suck a guy’s cock.”
Jawbreaker (1999) A sex scene with Marilyn? Sounds hot. Too bad we’re talking Marilyn Manson. Not only does the bony freak get it on with bodacious Rose McGowan, the cosmic injustice is compounded by the fact that the two are lovers in real life. Limp line: “In and out. That’s the way she liked it.”